What it means for Barron to be Donald Trump's child
Barron Trump is the youngest child of Donald Trump. Psychologist Birgit Spieshöfer explains what life as the president's son means.
With all the attention to the new US President Donald Trump, one of his family members is also increasingly in the spotlight: his youngest son Barron. After the celebration of Trump's inauguration, the ten-year-old accused the media and the public of being bored and poorly brought up. He was apathetic and had autistic traits, it was said.
An attack on the youngest Trump offspring eventually crossed every limit of good taste. US comedian Katie Rich tweeted that Barron would become the US's first home-schooled school gunman. The tweet was later deleted, Chelsea Clinton, who grew up in the White House as the daughter of former US President Bill and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, defended the boy. She demanded that he should simply be allowed to be a child.
But what does it mean for a child who is so in public to just be a child? How does a ten year old cope with the media hype? The graduate psychologist Birgit Spieshöfer (48) dares to attempt a classification. Because it is difficult to provide reliable interpretations from a distance, she wants to work out general rules in the interview that apply in principle to all children who are in public.
Ms. Spieshöfer, what does it mean for a child to be in public like Donald Trump's son?
Birgit Spieshöfer: Barron Trump is still a child, he is only ten years old. We have to be aware of that. As a ten-year-old you are overwhelmed with such a situation on all levels: physically, emotionally, mentally. The following does not apply here: What does not kill me makes me strong. Public pressure leaves its mark. You can almost only wish him a thick-skinned guy.
So it comes down to personality?
Spieshöfer: Yes, because every child reacts differently, depending on how sensitive they are. Maybe I'm leaning too far out of the window now, but on television and also in photos, Barron Trump gives me the impression that he is rather sensitive, not the kind of “bully” his father presents himself. The more sensitive type reacts much more strongly to what is criticized in public, for which they may even be discredited. This also applies to what is reported about one's own parents. Barron should see as little of this as possible. Sensitive people take something like this much more with them.
The situation is not new for Barron Trump, however.
Spieshöfer: That's true. He's known life in public for a while, actually since he was a baby. That his father is now the President of the United States is perhaps just the icing on the cake.
The presidency draws Barron Trump even more into the crossfire of the public. What does he do to a child if he is suddenly exposed to sharp criticism himself?
Spieshöfer: My recommendation is above all to delay contact with social media for as long as possible and not just leave them to their own devices. Kids just have to be older before they venture into the hell of social media. This is often difficult to implement, but as a parent you have to set certain limits.
If Barron Trump overhears allegations and allegations directed at him in the media and on social networks, it will unsettle him - especially if he is actually the sensitive type. Self-doubt can arise. He is just a child and children perceive the world as revolving around them. That is, they look for the fault within themselves. For example, children feel responsible when parents split up, or feel guilty when parents argue. In everything that happens, they think it has something to do with them. That is normal.
How can you help a kid like Barron Trump not to let this kind of thing get too close?
Spieshöfer: If someone is massively confronted with such statements about himself and attacks, as is and will be the case now with Barron Trump, it is important that someone is there who tells him: It has nothing to do with you. Someone has to help him learn to distinguish between when criticism is appropriate and when it is really related to him. For example, if he has done a prank in school and has to take responsibility for it, then that has something to do with him. A trusted person has to give him a realistic view of things like that. And then, as I would judge him, his father is not really suited for it.
Why is Donald Trump not the right person for this?
Spieshöfer: On the one hand - and this is a problem that many financially privileged people have - he simply lost sight of reality. Such a person cannot give his child a view of reality either. On the other hand, someone who does not allow himself to be criticized cannot teach his child to be open to the views of others. I need self-acceptance in order to be able to deal with the reviews and opinions of others.
What I see in Donald Trump is uncertainty. I would say he has self-doubts or he wouldn't act the way he does. However, he has bunkered away these inner insecurities so that he no longer perceives them himself. This is how the mechanism works: the louder I drum outside, the less I hear the unpleasant inner voice. Incidentally, this applies to many men.
Barron Trump actually needs a caregiver who he can confide in and who is reliably there for him. In such a case it is actually good to have someone from the outside. I don't mean a psychologist right away, but someone who deals with children and who can be a person of trust. In the future, Donald and Melania Trump will no longer be as available as they may have been before.
What role do parents then actually play?
Spieshöfer: Parents are always role models for children, you have to keep that in mind. They have a very special function. I read about Donald Trump that he apparently had little emotional contact with his father himself, i.e. a less strong bond. With his father it was probably a lot about performance. That's why Donald Trump is now in a bind: How do I deal with my own son? How do I carry on what I learned from my father?
Barron Trump apparently really grows up with his parents and not in the care of a nanny, they say. That could be an indication that Donald Trump is taking a different path than his father. That would be a big challenge for him because he didn't experience it that way himself.
Nor should one just look at Donald Trump. The mother is just as important. Melania Trump may even have more influence in private than we currently realize. Her husband may push her back and forth a bit on stage, but it may well be that she plays a bigger role in private. That she will stay with the boy in Trump Tower in New York until he has finished the school year and she will not move to the White House with him, at least suggests.
Is there anything Melania and Donald Trump are doing wrong?
Spiehöfer: Parents' greatest duty is to protect their children. Because children are dependent on them and incredibly vulnerable. Our foundations for further life are formed in childhood. A child of ten should be kept much more out of the public eye. Because it's about Donald Trump, not his son. To the public, Barron should be completely irrelevant. It's actually about what Chelsea Clinton wrote on Twitter: He should just be allowed to be a child.
Just being able to be a child - what does that mean?
Speishöfer: To me, simply being a child means that parents should try to convey normal values to their children. They should be kept out of the public eye for a really long time and not grow up feeling that there are no limits to them. You should grow up with a sense of reality. They should realize that they may have a lot of money and are privileged with it, but that it looks completely different elsewhere.
Being able to be a child also means establishing a relationship with the parents, having clear rules set, and having clear contacts. Parents have to give children freedom in which they can develop, but also set appropriate limits to show them a direction. That's a parent's job.
Barron Trump is growing up like an only child. Is the burden of the increased attention even greater than for presidential children with siblings of about the same age?
Spieshöfer: I think so. Siblings can give each other support in difficult situations. Someone is there to talk to. The one who gets through the same thing is in a similar situation. Barron Trump is just pretty much alone.
