Why doesn't Melania leave Trump?
The first lady may not be happily married to the US president, but she might as well agree, says Peggy Drexler.
Peggy Drexler is a research psychologist and author of the book Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family and Raising Boys Without Men. She is working on a book on the flaws of feminism. The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author of it.
In an article that appeared on February 16 in The New Yorker magazine, reporter Ronan Farrow describes an extramarital affair of the president of the United States, Donald Trump, which allegedly began in 2006, a few years after he married Melania Trump. and shortly after the birth of their son, Barron.
The alleged affair involves Karen McDougal, a former Playboy playmate. In an eight-page letter, which Farrow obtained and which he talks about in the article, the alleged relationship is detailed. The article talks about another series of romances and that Trump resorts to "clandestine meetings in hotels, bribes and complex contracts to have romances. Sometimes he had several simultaneous romances without the press knowing."
The White House claims, obviously, that it is all a lot of "fake news." But what we really want to know is what Melania says.
On Wednesday, February 14, Marist published a poll in which more than a third of participating Americans responded that they believe Melania should leave her husband, even though they were answering questions about Donald Trump's other alleged infidelity, romance. with the porn actress Stormy Daniels, whom Trump's attorney, Michael D. Cohen, paid $ 130,000 (although he did not say why and did so without Trump's knowledge).
One imagines that a wife would take notice and react. Maybe Melania was doing something like that when she arrived on her own account, before Trump, at the airfield where she would board the presidential helicopter to go with him for the weekend to Florida.
There are many reasons why a woman may decide to stay - or abandon - an unfaithful husband (presumed or not): financial dependence, religious reasons, children, status. Some of these reasons could be Melania's. But in addition, although men tend to be very territorial when it comes to their wives (they are more disturbed by the idea that they are with another man), women tend to be more territorial when it comes to their husband's care and resources . A woman who benefits from the resources of her husband might have a harder time deciding to leave him even if she wanted to.
Studies show that wives who feel less than average satisfaction in their marriage are more likely to leave their husband if they have a job and that women whose husband is the main provider in their family are less likely to leave than women who are the main providers of his family. A woman who is financially dependent on her husband may believe that the alternative to staying could be worse. For various reasons, men are less likely to think the same.
So how likely is this unusual couple to get divorced over all of this? How likely is Melania to leave?
Certainly, as first lady, Melania has done a lot to distance herself from her husband and to speculate that after 13 years, her marriage is not exactly going well. Since the beginning of the presidency, Melania's absence from important ceremonies has been conspicuous and Trump's daughter Ivanka has taken her place. For the first five months, Melania stayed in the couple's Manhattan apartment, along with her son, Barron.
In his much-discussed book on Trump's first year in the White House, Michael Wolff wrote that Melania responded with "tears ... and not joy" to the news that her husband had been elected. Routine analyzes of Melania's body language - a favorite media activity - at events she attends do not usually show a wife as enthusiastic.
In a review of Melania's attendance at the presidential report, body language experts interviewed by HuffPost noted that there is "little sign of happiness" in her demeanor. Also, of course, there is the famous slap she gave her husband while they were walking down the runway at Ben Gurion International Airport in Israel last year.
While Trump's naysayers - and many feminists - would love to imagine that Melania, Trump's third wife, could surprise us and deal a massive blow to Trump's ego and image by leaving him, let's remember a few things. These are certainly not the first sex scandals to hit his marriage. During the campaign, several women accused Trump of sexual misconduct. Melania stayed.
One tape revealed a very vulgar conversation between Trump and former Access Hollywood host Billy Bush, in which Trump bragged about kissing, groping and trying to have sex with women because "when you're a star, they let you do it." "Men's talk," Melania said. She stayed. Why?
Melania might not be happily married to Trump, but she might as well agree. Much has been said that she and her husband sleep in separate rooms; the Farrow article states that Trump told McDougal that Melania "likes her space ... to read or be alone." If you believe ELLE magazine's analysis of the couple over the years, you might agree that she has never really liked her husband. And well, it is very possible that she is not in a financial position to leave him ... at least not with the security of maintaining the lifestyle to which she is used.
There are those in the legal world who have speculated that Trump's prenuptial agreement with Melania is likely to be very strict (Trump once said that because of this, "their marriage is stronger") and that the agreement is unlikely to have changed. once Trump became president, although for her there is much more at stake by staying.
According to Farrow's article, McDougal, the former playmate, claims that Trump never leaves anything in writing. Trump has important friends willing to protect him, including David Pecker, CEO of American Media, Inc. (the company that publishes the tabloid newspaper The National Enquirer), who is believed to have stifled the story about McDougal's alleged relationship with Trump.
If Trump is so careful about his alleged relationships that we are just finding out about it, we can assume that he is just as diligent in drafting the legal protections that bind him to his wife ... or that drastically limit what she could take if he leaves, particularly if in doing so he humiliates him publicly.
But perhaps most importantly, while the divorce would surely please people who want to see Melania free, the first lady has not really shown that she cares much about what people think of her ... or that she needs to be saved. .
She has not tried to win the approval of the public opinion. In addition to her rare appearances and failed speech to the Republican National Convention, she has become famous for wearing the wrong things at the wrong time, such as when she wore a pair of Manolo Blahnik sneakers on a visit to the victims of Hurricane Harvey. Perhaps for that very reason, it is too optimistic to think that the pressure of these new revelations (which, to be honest, are probably not new to her) will cause her to leave a life that she is apparently comfortable with, a life that clearly has it. patronage of the president of the United States, though not with his warm presence.
Meanwhile, a survey conducted in September found that Melania is the most beloved Trump… and that the decline in her husband's popularity has only served to increase hers. He has only made her look better. That trend is very likely to persist, which means that Melania's luck is improving. Why should she leave her now?
