Psychologists explain why you're still obsessed with Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber's relationship
Maybe it's not too late to say "I'm sorry."
There are very few relationships that we are as obsessed with as Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. So naturally, when Selena reconnected with Justin after ending her 10-month relationship with The Weeknd, the internet went wild.
The excitement for the photos of her at lunches and bike rides make sense: The first time Selena and Justin were publicly known with a couple was SEVEN years ago. Over the course of more than half a decade, Jelena made us part of a highly addictive soap opera: sexy Instagram photos, public fights, emotional interviews, and, of course, one attempt after another to make their relationship work.
Despite cutting and returning all the time, people still had hope in Jelena. Dr. Melanie Greenberg, clinical psychologist in Mill Valley CA, author and speaker, and Dr. Azadeh Aalai, assistant professor of psychology at Queensborough Community College in New York, explain why Jelena's love story is so addictive.
1. It is the perfect story of ‘FIRST LOVE’
Jelena was created in 2010, when they were seen holding hands in Philadelphia. The two teens started out as friends and denied dating rumors for a while. But once their romance was made official, the fury began: They went to red carpets together, kissed backstage, and seemed completely spellbound by each other. No matter how you feel about Justin Bieber today, you have to admit that the time he loaded Selena's dress on the 2011 AMAs red carpet, he became the boyfriend we all dream of.
Soon after, the first years of their relationship suffered some ups and downs - a paternity lawsuit involving Justin, Instagram posts that made us believe they were over, but, for years, they always managed to come back and be together.
We can blame chemistry for what happened when they were younger. "Our brain grows a lot between the ages of 13 and 25," says Dr. Greenberg. "... At that age, things are more dramatic - the colors are brighter, a heart break hurts a lot more. [Your brain doesn't] have much control over itself. So there is more drama and many may mistake it for something romantic. ".
"First love is magical and exciting, and it can be very volatile and hard to forget," says Dr. Aalai. "Jelena makes us nostalgic as adults - because she makes us glorify our first love because there is a sense of innocence and openness when we approach love for the first time, something that many of us lose as we grow older. We become more careful and in many senses, we try to recapture the euphoria of possibility associated with first love. " Selena and Justin are living examples of the overwhelming force that is teenage love.
Whether you remember how beautiful it is to love someone before your heart was broken for the first time, or you want to know what it was like, making Jelena ideal for all ages.
2. her biggest hits are about each other
Yes, we all love to follow Jelena's every move on social media, from selfies together in who knows where, to weird comments about each other's photos ... but any photo on instagram that was not deleted or a phrase in an interview, holds the part most emotional of their relationship: their music.
When they thundered in 2013, Selena released "Love Will Remember"; Justin released "Heartbreaker", "Hold Tight", "Recovery" and "All That Matters". Selena released "The Heart Wants What It Wants" in 2014 and it brought everyone to tears when she sang it at the AMAs. Then in 2015, Justin recorded "Sorry", "What Do You Mean?" and "Mark My Words", confirming that they were about Selena on the Ellen Degeneres Show. Selena's 2016 single "It Ain’t Me" also talks about Bieber.
Their musical careers as adults have been dominated by songs about the other - it is practically impossible to separate their music from their relationships. "That's the engine of the whole story - you never lose connection," says Dr. Greenberg. "Music is a romantic medium that evokes emotions," he continues. He also helps that the song lyrics talk about loss and regret or, in Gomez's case, loss, regret, and getting on with all the #GirlPower.
"The audience feels that she is in the front row in the drama and therefore they feel more interested in the ending of the story," says Dr. Aalai.
3. You want the bad boy to turn good
Justin is publicly known for starting out as a sweet boy when he started dating Selena. He later rebelled with mishaps in cars and problems with some substances, but in the end, in his songs you saw that he was a boy who "made mistakes once or twice, or maybe more."
"There is a fantasy that the‘ bad boy ’becomes good because of the love of a‘ good woman ’, and we can see those stereotypes in this relationship as well," says Aalai. Dr. Greenberg explains: "Part of a hero's story is watching the hero grow and mature through a kind of journey. It's also a romantic narrative. You see it in the movies: 'I'm changing for you.'
Justin plays this role to perfection, he has a history of trying to hang out with Selena, whether it's recording love songs on Instagram for her or dedicating his album to her ... his Access Hollywood interview in 2015 reveals only one thing: He has never 'stopped loving her '.
It's so easy: If you've ever loved someone who hurt you, this is the ending you secretly dreamed of (but would never admit because your friends would tell you it doesn't suit you): that they've been sorry for years for losing you, to despite having dated other girls.
It's the ending that people want, but (rightly so) doesn't give you confidence in real life. "There are many people who fall in love or become obsessed with a person who may not be the right person for them and imagine that they might be the only ones who can 'save' that person," says Dr. Aalai. "I think part of that myth lies in the Selena-Justin couple - it seems that it softens some aspects of their strong character. In conclusion, it gives people 'hope' that true love can do everything."
Jelena is more than just a normal celebrity relationship - they are two people who have been in each other's lives, whether dating or not, for a long time and through many stages.
Although their record tells us that they will probably thunder again, their story could end differently. They are already bigger. They have already spent time apart, with other people. The moment Gomez's relationship ended, it seems like they picked it up where they left off, as if nothing had happened, as only true friends do. No one can say how long they will last, but what yes is that many people still long for that same old love.
