The heartbreaking and inspiring story of Billie Eilish, the singer who overcame depression and now cares for her fans
Billie Eilish is not a simple girl nor does she want to be. At 18 years old, one does not think to fit into the ‘normality’ imposed by certain people who tire of looking at themselves and go out to criticize everyone they can. But her songs and her surprising fame reveal that behind that voice that is a whisper or a scream there is a history of emotional breakdowns, of damn internet haters and of voids that may never have an explanation. A song by Billie breaks your heart, but she may have already been torn to pieces before her. It is not consolation, of course.
At 18, Billie Eilish has fought battles that make her stronger every day in the midst of that contradictory fragility that she can transmit when she is in front of a microphone. Anxiety, depression, and a condition that many took as a joke: Tourett's syndrome that she has suffered from since she was a child, which leads her to make involuntary sounds and gestures, tics that her followers on her social networks considered funny and that she I hated. Billie's self-esteem always seems to be in the balance, she balances in front of an abyss, that miserable abyss that you envision when you feel rejected. “I have never felt desired. My past lovers never made me feel this way, none of them. The fact of not being physically desirable for anyone is something that marked my life, "she said in an interview
“That's why I dress like that, since I don't think about you guys, or anyone. I don't want to focus on what they judge my style, or the size of the clothes, ”she commented. Light green seems to be her color now.
For Rolling Stone magazine she expressed, without keeping anything, part of her torments: “I've always wanted to be paid attention ... but I don't think anyone knows what fame really is. Because if what I wanted was to be famous ... it certainly wasn't this way ”.
Billie Eilish made her recording debut at age 15 but at 17 she achieved world fame.
At the age of 13, following the single Ocean Eyes which was published in 2015 on SoundCloud and re-launched with a music video on YouTube in 2016 when she was 14 years old, Billie became a viral phenomenon. In 2017, she released her EP 'Don't Smile at Me', produced by her brother Finneas O'Connell, her friend, and her accomplice, who helps her compose or take the phrases from her to transform them into songs.
Scars of the soul
Mental health problems started at age 12. And it is a subject that does not hide. Telling it frees her, strengthens her and allows her to help those who live in silence. It was around this time that she was competing in dance competitions and she began to feel insecure. She was diagnosed with body dysmorphia: “I couldn't even look in the mirror,” she says. She broke her hip and that accident took her away from that passion, and she got into a hole, she clung to the darkness. It was the phase of self-destruction, she defines. And she remarks, for you that you are fighting: "self-destruction, a phase that we must not reach." She billie she believed that she deserved to experience pain. And when that goes through your head you just search frantically for the pain.
“Sometimes I see girls at my shows with scars on their arms and it breaks my heart. I no longer have scars because that happened a long time ago. But I've said to quite a few of them, 'Be good to yourself.' Because I know, I was there too ”.
Billie Eilish - who in her childhood was very religious, by choice and very different from her parents - seems to have managed to move delicately from depression to peace. But last year, he revealed to Rolling Stone that panic attacks were constant, usually when the day is done, a time of uncertainty, meaningless and without light: "I cry for a couple of hours every night."
In all that time she even thought of taking her life and showing it on Twitter. Those were damn days. Until music was the center of her life.
Why does she share her struggle with depression?
"Don't take that extra step that will hurt you more"
The singer made the decision to publicize her mental problems, which led her to the deepest depression, the one that she looks to death.
"I was so unhappy in 2018. I was so unhappy and I was so sad," the singer stressed. And she added, "I honestly didn't think she would make it to 17," she added.
“I remember that in my hotel room there was a window. I remember crying while thinking that the way I was going to die was doing it with my own hand ", he said and added the verse" I wanna end me "(I want to end me) from his song" Bury a Friend ", which reflected how shattered she was.
Thanks to therapy and the support of her family, she put the monster at a distance. Her mother, Maggie Baird, was the strength she needed. And she came out, and that's why she tells it. She wants other boys and boys not to sink, to get rid of those thoughts, to be kind to themselves. "Do not take that extra step that will make you hurt more," said the interpreter of "Bad Guy". Repeat that phrase every time you feel on the edge. So she takes care of her fans, and she takes care of herself. Sometimes the monster never leaves.
When you hear a song by Billie Eilish, she remembers that her heart was as broken as yours, that not being like everyone else makes you more vulnerable, but also strong.
