First impression: the new Miley Cyrus
Yes, I know it came out a long time ago, but the special edition (with bonus tracks, DVD and all the goodies) of this marvel has just arrived in my hands by courtesy of a colleague, and since Pop Life is a service, I cannot stop sharing with you my first impression of Breakout, the latest work by Thom Yorke's most prominent disciple: Miley Cyrus, better known as Hannah Montana, and even better known as the little white-tongued miniature. Because that's how we are around here: despite which, we still like cabaret.
"Breakout": imagine what the Pistols would sound like if they were Macri's cousins and the singer was Rafa Gorgory. Well, something like that.
"7 Things": Miley puts the points to some gil. Seven things we hate about her? Her music, her lyrics, her records, her shows, her TV show, the sperm that spawned her, and the egg that let him in.
"The Driveway": a ballad of love that a teenage Richard Clayderman would call "fagots."
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun": the girl takes the song by Cindy Lauper and puts a cello in it, thus achieving the effect that the Camerata Bariloche would achieve by playing a King Africa song.
"Full Circle": Another heartfelt track with punk pretensions that shows that everything from the birth of Joey Ramone to the death of Ricky Espinoza was absolutely for nothing.
"Fly on the Wall": Another Imagination Exercise: Imagine what The Prodigy would sound like if the Jonas Brothers bullied you out of high school and stole your lunch money.
"Bottom of the Ocean": Miley gets into the shoes of the Milli Vanilli who has not died yet (Miley Vanilli?) To offer us an R&B ballad that, after all, leaves a strange taste in the mouth, like getting into the crap a tablespoon of talc.
"Wake up America": Hannah Montana gets political, calls for armed struggle and sings "alert, alert, alert that walks, the sword of Bolívar for Latin America." Nah, lie, it's another fourth grade issue.
"These Four Walls": a slow little song for the girls to shake the iPhone in the concerts while the parents who took them put a bullet in the occiput.
"Simple Song": meh.
"Goodbye": Miley manages to make Hootie and the Blowfish, next to her, look like Napalm Death. Fun like playing Pig Va with Stephen Hawking.
"See You Again (Rock Mafia Remix)": by God, this album is never ending.
BONUS TRACKS: in "Hovering" it reminds us how unnecessary the Goo Goo Dolls were, while in "Someday" it reminds us how unnecessary it was whoever recorded the theme of The Endless Story, it just doesn't bother us so much because in the end the album comes to an end and we can shoot out to put on a Nick Cave one.
