As the Hollywood actor splits from his girlfriend, model Camilla Morrone, months after her 25th birthday, Olivia Petter wonders why some men exclusively date younger women
If you've logged into Twitter today, you'll have seen the chart. You already know it. It appears once every four years or so, kind of like the Olympics. Only the contestants are a bit more famous and the results a lot more predictable. Entitled “As Leonardo DiCaprio Ages, the Age of His Girlfriends Stays Exactly the Same,” the graphic does what it says on the label. And the internet loves it.
In case you didn't know, Leonardo DiCaprio broke up with his girlfriend Camila Morrone. However, unlike other celebrity breakups, this one is quite an event. At least on social media. Not because people are especially obsessed with DiCaprio's love life (at least, no more than any other Hollywood actor) or because they have an unsurprising fondness for Victoria's Secret models. No. It's because for the past 23 years, the Titanic star's love life has followed the same rigorous pattern: meet a woman in her early 20s, date her for several months or years, and then break up with her sooner, or right after he hits 25 and presumably turns into a pumpkin.
Of course, we have no idea why the actor and Morrone split, nor is it any of our business. But that hasn't stopped the internet from having fun pointing to the fact that she turned 25 last month, which means DiCaprio appears to be maintaining his now-famous age limit…excuse me, pattern of behavior.
He dated Gisele Bundchen until she was 23 years old. With Bar Rafaeli until she was 25. With Blake Lively until she was 23. With Erin Heatherton until she was 22. Toni Garn, 21. Kelly Rohrbach, 25. Nina Agdal, 25. And now Morrone.
“Maybe Leonardo DiCaprio feels bad for all the women who can't rent a car until they're 25 and he's actually a really nice guy,” one person on Twitter mocked today, Aug. 31. “December 19th will be the 25th anniversary of Titanic being released in US theaters,” another added, “meaning you still have nearly four months of eligibility left to date Leonardo DiCaprio.” A third joked: "The girl Leonardo DiCaprio will leave when she is 72 years old was born today." There is also an influx of women sharing that they celebrated his 26th birthday with cakes claiming they are now "officially too old to date Leonardo DiCaprio."
It is very easy to make fun of all this. And frankly, it's funny. But will we still laugh if DiCaprio is still dating 24-year-old women in his seventies? What is it about the 25-year-old that you apparently find so unpleasant? At what point do we stop laughing and start wondering what it says about a man who dates exclusively younger women?
There are some obvious reasons why men may prefer dating women in their twenties. In a world that fetishizes youth (and consequently demonizes women for showing signs of aging), it just makes sense. After all, this is what society has taught us to be the paragon of beauty. Perhaps some men are too myopic to see further.
But I suspect there is something more insidious than mere socially conditioned s+xual preferences. Let's think about what it means to be a woman under the age of 25. You are in the early stages of your career. You are discovering who you are. You do not have financial stability. Your housing situation is not very nice. And most importantly, you are willing to please others, even if it means risking your own needs and desires to satisfy theirs. In short, everything is constantly changing.
At least that's how it was for me and my friends. All of this is to say that there are substantial differences between women in their early 20s and men in their 30s. The power dynamic is crystal clear: a younger, more insecure, and less financially established woman is much more likely to yield to the will of a man older than someone his own age. That's not to say that younger women don't have autonomy, but they are arguably easier to control. And if that's what draws DiCaprio and company to them, then it's very concerning.
When I was in my early 20s, I put up with a lot of behavior from men that I wouldn't dream of putting up with now that I'm 28. Not that I was particularly malleable. It's that at that age, I and many of the women I know were full of insecurities and, as a result, we were easily manipulated by men. We spent our teens obsessing over our bodies and being told we weren't good enough. That we had to take up less space. Change what we are to fit in and, above all, to be desired. Hence a man who wanted you instantly had power over you.
This becomes a problem when that man misbehaves. It is basic s+xism that teaches women to dismiss the toxic behavior of men, to genuflect at the will of the patriarchy. But they are much more likely to do so when they are younger and still innocent, as opposed to when they have gained experience.
For myriad reasons, women can be slow to acquire the will they deserve. With this in mind, the question remains: do older men avoid dating women over 25 because they feel threatened by them? Is it an ego boost to be with someone younger who is probably less secure, emotionally and financially? Are they really that unhappy with themselves?
As Naomi Wolf put it in her 1990 feminist classic The Beauty Myth: “Youth and (until recently) virginity have been ‘beautiful’ in women, as they represent experimental and s+xual ignorance. Aging in women is 'not beautiful' as women become more powerful over time."
Therefore, the criticisms directed at men who date younger women are not the same as those directed at women who date younger men. Every time this graph comes to light, DiCaprio fans are quick to point out the alleged double standard, arguing that women are rarely singled out for dating men younger than themselves. This logic is neither sensible nor true: just look at the current furor surrounding Olivia Wilde, 38, and her relationship with Harry Styles, who is 10 years her junior.
None of this is to say that DiCaprio's love life deserves constant criticism. And frankly, who knows what she has against women over 25. But the time he can go on dating women half his age without being screened is limited. In three years, he will be 50 years old. Perhaps by then he will realize what he has missed. For the rest, I am looking forward to seeing the next updated version of the chart.
