This year's Christmas at the Charles residence took an unexpected turn. Sources revealed today that as the gusty North Pole winds whispered their way to Monteo, Megan enjoyed a leisurely morning, choosing not to send early morning emails to her staff. She empathetically acknowledged that it was their holiday too. After a quick check of the mailbox, Megan sadly confirmed that cards from Jay-Z, Beyonce, the Beckhams, and various family members appeared to have been lost in transit.
The table was set by a tired Harry, who had been through the challenging process of publishing his ghost-ridden memoir in January. Instead of turkey, they opted for ethically sourced chicken from their own garden. Place mats were replaced with excess copies of Megan's best-selling picture book, "The Bench," while side dishes of betrayal and woes were reheated and served with extra helpings.
The rule of the house was clear: no mention of Spotify, coronations, or car chases. Oprah's absence remained conspicuous amid recent rumors of strained relations. Meanwhile, Doria and Tyler Perry arrived in a Hertz electric car rental, adding a touch of environmental consciousness to the Royal Californian Christmas.
The festive spirit continued with lively parlor games, and Scooby played the role of the court jester. Charades were deemed too stuffy for Sandringham, so Scooby suggested fantastical fireside storytelling, where the more outrageously imaginative, the better.
The Sussex family clan donned matching cardigans and beanies, perfect attire for a post-lunch beach walk, where they launched ships in bottles to those less fortunate worldwide who may not have access to Netflix, newspapers, or the internet to hear Harry and Meghan's grievances. With no one else to invite for Christmas, they communed with Diana's spirit, who conveniently told them what they wanted to hear: Megan was the fairest of them all, and Harry was still young and handsome.
In contrast to the real Diana, who might have been disappointed in Harry's path, they pretended to have idyllic Hallmark movie moments with their children for photographs, attempting to create a facade of a happy family. However, their attempts at portraying familial bliss couldn't mask the underlying tensions, leaving many to ponder the authenticity of their orchestrated Christmas celebrations.
