Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex—or is she?—is at it again. When I say "at it," I mean she’s tap dancing on that last royal nerve like it’s a Broadway stage. Meghan, fresh off a string of failures that would make even the most optimistic life coach cringe, has decided to dust off her title and give this whole royal thing another go. she’s not actually a working royal anymore. It’s like showing up to your old job in a costume and expecting everyone to bow.
Now, let’s talk about this American Riviera Orchard business, as the cool kids—who, by the way, are absolutely no one—are calling it. This was supposed to be Meghan’s grand re-entry into the spotlight. The plan? Slap a name on some fancy jams and maybe a few dog treats, and voilà ! Instant success, right? Wrong! So far, it’s amounted to 50 jars of jam sent to high-profile friends and influencers. When I think "high-profile," I expect more than enough people to polish off a Costco-sized jar of jam!
Because apparently, jamming ain’t easy—see what I did there? Meghan decided to sweeten the pot with a Netflix cooking show. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I think Meghan Markle, culinary expert is definitely not the first thing that comes to mind. Unless we’re talking about cooking up drama, in which case, give that woman a Michelin star!
This cooking show is more delayed than a British train in a snowstorm. We’re talking months of "coming soon" but nothing actually showing up. It’s like waiting for a soufflé to rise only to find a sad, flat pancake instead.
So what’s a former royal to do when her jams aren’t jamming and her show isn’t showing? Dust off the old HRH title, of course! That’s right, folks—Meghan, in a mood as subtle as a peacock at a penguin party, has decided to start using her royal highness title again. You know, the title she supposedly gave up when she and Harry chose to leave royal life for sunny California.
Let’s be clear: Meghan’s about as much of a working royal as I am the Queen of Sheba. She left that life behind! Remember the Oprah interview? Tears were shed, accusations were made, and it was a whole thing. But apparently, Meghan's memory is shorter than a goldfish's because here she is, trying to present herself as a beacon of inspiration and aspiration—a true royal duchess. I’m sorry, what? You can’t have your royal cake and eat it too! You’re either in or you’re out, and this flip-flopping is giving me whiplash.
Let me tell you, folks—King Charles is not amused. Word on the street, and by street, I mean the long driveway leading up to Buckingham Palace, is that Charlie Boy is furious. He’s trying to modernize the monarchy, streamline things, maybe even learn how to work a smartphone without accidentally calling Australia. And then there’s Meghan, playing royal dress-up across the pond. It’s like trying to have a serious business meeting while your toddler wears your suit jacket and pretends to be the boss.
But Charles isn’t just sitting on his throne twiddling his thumbs. Oh no, he’s taking action, and it’s more dramatic than a Shakespeare play. We’re talking about stripping titles! It’s like a royal version of *The Apprentice,* only instead of “You’re fired,” it’s “You’re de-titled.” And as if that wasn’t enough, Charles is bringing in the big guns: the IRS! That’s right, folks—the taxman is coming, and he has questions about using royal titles for commercial gain. It’s like Al Capone all over again, but instead of bootlegging, it’s bootlegging royal style.
Isn’t this a bit harsh? Can’t we all just get along? To that, I say: have you been paying attention to this royal drama for the past few years? Getting along left the chat a long time ago—probably around the same time Harry and Meghan decided to spill more tea than the Boston Tea Party.
This isn’t just about titles or jam or cooking shows. It’s about integrity and respect for an institution that, love it or hate it, has been around for centuries. It’s about not having your cake and eating it too—or in this case, not having your title and selling it too. Meghan and Harry made a choice—they decided royal life wasn’t for them, and that’s fine. But you can’t step away from the responsibility and still expect to keep the perks. That’s not how life works—royal or not! It’s like quitting your job but still expecting to use the company car and expense account.
Let’s talk about this "beacon of inspiration" business for a hard second. Inspiration for what, exactly? How to alienate your family? How to burn bridges faster than a pyromaniac with a matchbook? How to turn a fairy tale romance into a cautionary tale? Because if those are the lessons we’re meant to learn, then honey, you’re doing a great job.
What really grinds my gears is that there was so much potential here. Meghan and Harry could have been a force for good, using their platform and influence to create meaningful change. Instead, we’re getting jam, dog treats, and cooking shows that never materialize. It’s like watching a high-budget production of what could have been—the musical! All the ingredients are there for something great, but instead of a gourmet meal, we’re getting overpriced jam
And poor Harry! Once the cheeky chap we all knew and loved, now reduced to a supporting role in a messy show. It’s like watching a Shakespearean tragedy, but instead of “Et tu, Brute,” it’s “Et tu, Meghan?”
Let’s be real for a second—this isn’t just about Meghan. This is about a couple who seem to have lost their way. They wanted freedom from the constraints of royal life, which is understandable. The scrutiny, the pressure, the constant attention—it can’t be easy. But freedom comes with responsibility. It means standing on your own two feet, not trying to have one foot in the palace and one in Hollywood.
Princec Harry and Meghan had a unique opportunity to bridge two worlds, to be a force for change both within and outside the royal family. Instead, they’ve become cautionary tales—poster children for what happens when you try to have it all without putting in the hard work.
Being a royal isn’t just about titles and fancy dinners. It’s about service, duty, and putting the needs of others before your own. It’s hard work—often thankless work—but it’s work that can make a real difference in the world. And that’s what Meghan and Harry seem to have forgotten. They want the perks of royalty without the responsibility. They want the spotlight without the scrutiny. They want the titles without the duty. But life just doesn’t work that way—neither for royals nor the rest of us.
If King Charles has his way, we’ll see a leaner monarchy—one focused on service, not celebrity. One that understands that titles come with responsibilities, not just privileges. And Meghan? She has a choice to make. She can keep playing this game of royal dress-up, trying to cash in on a title she’s no longer entitled to use, or she can step up, own her choices, and find a way to make a difference without relying on her royal connections.
Meghan Markle is a smart, capable woman. She doesn’t need a royal title to make a difference in the world. She doesn’t need to be a duchess to be a role model. She just needs to be authentic, true to herself and her values. But that requires humility, self-reflection, and a willingness to admit mistakes. Most importantly, it requires the realization that the path they’re on right now isn’t sustainable.
If things keep going the way they are, being stripped of their titles is going to be the least of Harry and Meghan’s problems. There will be more bridges burned, more doors closed, more fading relevance. Eventually, they might find themselves alone on an island of their own making, with no way back to shore.
So here’s my message to Meghan, on the off chance she’s tuning in: It’s not too late. You can still write a different ending to this story, but it starts with looking in the mirror and being honest with yourself. It starts with remembering who you were before all this drama and finding a way back to that authenticity.
Because at the end of the day, that’s what people respond to—not the carefully crafted image, not the victim narrative, not the Hollywood glamour. People respond to realness, vulnerability, and genuine efforts to make a difference. You’ve got the world’s attention, Meghan. Now, what are you going to do with it? Are you going to keep playing the same old tune, or are you ready to compose a new song? The choice is yours.
But remember: the world is watching, and second chances don’t come around often in the spotlight. As for the rest of us, we’ll keep watching, dissecting every appearance, analyzing every statement, and speculating about what’s really going on behind those designer sunglasses. Because let’s face it—whether we love them or loathe them, Harry and Meghan have given us one heck of a show.
But as we watch, let’s try to remember that behind all the drama, behind the headlines and photo ops, these are real people—flawed, complicated, sometimes misguided, but real nonetheless. And maybe, just maybe, if we can see them as human beings instead of characters in a real-life soap opera, we might learn something from this royal mess.
So there you have it, folks—the latest chapter in the saga of Harry and Meghan, served up hot and fresh by yours truly. Will Meghan find a way to salvage her reputation without relying on royal titles? Will Harry remember the man he used to be? Will King Charles’s tough-love approach work? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure—whatever happens next, it’s going to be one hell of a ride. So grab your popcorn, settle in, and get ready for the next installment of As the Crown Turns.
