Meghan Markle, once the self-proclaimed advocate for women, now finds herself struggling to get her lifestyle brand, *American Riviera Orchard*, off the ground. If the name alone doesn’t make you cringe, the saga surrounding it certainly will. *American Riviera Orchard* was supposed to mark Meghan’s big entry into the lifestyle space, where she’d presumably share pearls of wisdom on how to live the good life. But instead, the project has become trapped in trademark limbo for so long that even U.S. authorities might be losing patience.
Reports suggest Meghan’s legal team has requested yet another extension to secure the trademark, signaling that she’s still nowhere near ready to launch the brand. And frankly, why would she be? Launching a brand takes commitment, work, and actual talent—qualities that Meghan, unfortunately, seems to be lacking based on her track record. One can’t help but wonder if this is all part of a grand plan: delay, delay, delay, until *American Riviera Orchard* fades into obscurity. That way, Meghan can avoid the troublesome task of actually managing a business.
A source, likely Meghan herself, recently told *Hello* magazine that she’s feeling “stressed” and “busy figuring out her next career move.” But what exactly is she busy with? Failing, it seems. If failure were an Olympic sport, Meghan would surely be a gold medalist. According to the same source, there’s been turnover in the project and “rethinking” of ideas. Translation: more flops. Turnover doesn’t happen when things are going well; it happens when you’re sinking. As for “rethinking,” it’s just a polished way of admitting that nothing is working.
Meghan’s “perfectionist” tendencies are also mentioned, but let’s be honest—this is more about a need to control everything without the skills to back it up. True perfectionists usually produce something of quality, but what has Meghan actually produced since stepping back from royal duties? The Netflix docuseries was a polarizing disaster, the Spotify podcast was canceled after a snooze-worthy debut, and *American Riviera Orchard* seems poised to join that list of failures.
And then there’s the hypocrisy. Meghan positions herself as a champion of women’s rights, but her actions tell a different story. Critics have noted her poor treatment of women, particularly those who get too close to her husband, Prince Harry. From reportedly icy behavior towards Catherine, Princess of Wales, to fostering a toxic fanbase that bullies critics, Meghan’s track record as a women’s advocate is shaky, at best.
Speaking of hypocrisy, we can’t forget her recent Thanksgiving comments about family and gratitude, which felt as hollow as the rest of her public persona. It’s almost as if she’s trying to embody the classic "do as I say, not as I do" mantra. To top it off, Meghan was recently named one of the top two hypocrites in the world on a popular podcast. Quite the achievement, considering the glaring contradictions between her words and actions.
So, what’s next for Meghan Markle? Another round of excuses? More delays? Another magazine source claiming she’s “focused on her career”? Ultimately, *American Riviera Orchard* may go down in history as the perfect metaphor for Meghan’s post-royal life: big promises, zero delivery. Until then, we’ll be watching with popcorn in hand as the train wreck unfolds. Here’s to the Duchess of Disasters—long may she fail.
