Meghan Markle standing in line at the DMV, clutching a ticket stub like a commoner. The horror. The tragedy. The sheer injustice of it all. How dare the Department of Motor Vehicles fail to recognize her royal—uh, formerly royal—uh, self-proclaimed regal status?
According to a new blind item on Deuxmoi, Meghan Markle has let her driver's license expire. How could this happen to the queen of self-importance? Now, she must do the unthinkable—visit her local DMV in person like a mere mortal. And as if the universe were conspiring against her, they won’t even allow her to Photoshop her license photo.
For those unfamiliar with the DMV experience, it is a soul-crushing test of patience—a place where hope goes to die, where people sit for hours under harsh fluorescent lighting, waiting for their number to be called. And yet, here she is, the self-proclaimed Madame Sussex, faced with the greatest challenge of her life: standing in line with the peasants.
Now, here’s the real kicker—the DMV, in all its bureaucratic glory, requires legal names. Meghan Markle? That’s just a stage name. Legally, she’s still Rachel Meghan Markle. Oh, the humanity. Imagine her at the counter, demanding, “I am Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. Call me as such.”
And just for good measure, would she demand a curtsy, too? Maybe she’ll throw in a strategically placed left-eye tear for added drama. Unfortunately for her, DMV employees have seen it all—tantrums, bribes, full-on meltdowns. A little royal foot-stomping isn’t going to get her past the ironclad rules of the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Now, if Meghan really wants to change her name to Meghan Sussex, she’s got a long road ahead. First stop? The Social Security office—another delightful bureaucratic black hole. She’d need to present legal documents proving a name change, like a marriage certificate. But plot twist—her marriage certificate doesn’t say Sussex. Fun fact: the U.S. doesn’t recognize noble titles as legal names.
So, what’s a former royal to do? File a court petition for a legal name change, of course. Then, once that’s approved, she’d have to trek back to the Social Security office, and finally, to the DMV. And here’s where it gets even better—California’s DMV requires that if your license expires, you may need to retake the written and driving test.
Imagine Meghan Markle in a DMV-issued Toyota Corolla, trying to parallel park while a grumpy state employee marks a clipboard. We can only hope the examiner doesn’t have a history of watching *Suits* or harboring any strong opinions about *Spare*.
Oh, and let’s not forget California’s Real ID requirements. To get one, she must appear in person with proof of residency—like a utility bill. Which raises the question: does Meghan Markle even know what a utility bill looks like? Surely, her staff handles such peasant matters. But alas, this is the DMV, where the rules are unbending and employees are unimpressed by celebrity status. Without a Real ID, Meghan won’t be able to board a commercial flight. Not that it matters—she only flies private. Still, imagine the existential crisis of realizing that, for once, the rules apply to her, too.
Meghan has spent years trying to distance herself from the name Markle while clinging to the prestige of Sussex. But America doesn’t do aristocracy. No amount of self-branding or PR spin will change the fact that to the U.S. government, she’s just Rachel Meghan Markle.
And so, the DMV showdown looms. Will Meghan grit her teeth and endure the horrors of waiting in line? Or will she send in an assistant to handle it, only to be told she has to appear in person? Either way, one thing is certain—no amount of foot-stomping, title-throwing, or curtsy-demanding will make the DMV bow to her.
