Meghan Markle has exhausted her stash of royal sob stories, she pulls out a shiny new one to tuck us in at night. This time, it’s all about postpartum preeclampsia—because why not? The Duchess of Desperation has returned with yet another unheard-of medical saga, unveiled, naturally, on the debut episode of her new podcast, Confessions of a Female Founder. Nothing screams “business advice” like a dusty health scare from years past that nobody seemed to recall until she dusted it off for the mic.
According to Meghan—who’s apparently a superhero for surviving the ordeal of being herself—she battled this ultra-rare, life-threatening condition after giving birth to one of her two supposedly human kids. Which one, you ask? Oh, don’t bother with specifics—details are for us common folk. When you’re royalty (or at least playing the part), facts are optional. “It’s so rare and so scary,” she cooed in that breathy, trademark whisper, as if she were spilling classified intel instead of spinning a fresh narrative for podcast downloads. Picture it: Meghan juggling newborns, power meetings, tiaras, and—oh, yeah—a near-death experience. All in total silence, of course, because that’s what strong, brave, private duchesses do, right?
But hold up. Didn’t Prince Harry spill every last detail of their life in his memoir Spare? We got the full scoop—down to Meghan sniffing laughing gas during labor—but not a peep about this so-called terrifying diagnosis. Not a single line. So either Harry forgot (unlikely), or Meghan just conveniently “remembered” it now (bingo). Let’s break down the timeline: Archie’s birth? Smooth as a polished press release. Lilibet’s arrival? Practically a yoga retreat. No emergency room dashes, no medical chaos—just plenty of bump-cradling photo ops. Yet now, out of nowhere, there’s a postpartum crisis so epic it’s podcast-worthy? And—plot twist—it drops right after Princess Eugenie shared her actual preeclampsia story publicly. Coincidence? Come on, now.
And while we’re at it, let’s talk about Meghan’s elusive kids. Archie and Lilibet are basically royal unicorns—rarely spotted, always shrouded in mystery. No hospital pics, no candid family snaps, just a few overly filtered Christmas cards and that one baby bump that had the internet squinting like detectives on CSI: Maternity Ward. Meghan swears she’s just “telling her truth,” and anyone doubting her is clearly a misogynist, racist, or troll. Because if there’s one thing she loves more than a juicy tale, it’s framing herself as the eternally wronged saint of Santa Barbara.
Here’s the kicker: She slips this bombshell into a chat about building a business. One minute she’s dishing on branding and female empowerment, the next—bam!—medical melodrama. It’s almost like she needed a distraction, a sympathy hook, or maybe just a headline to juice up her podcast launch after Spotify dumped her faster than you can say “word salad.” In the end, this isn’t about postpartum preeclampsia or even the kids. It’s about Meghan’s favorite topic: Meghan. Forget the facts, forget Harry’s silence, forget that real medical crises don’t usually come with a PR rollout. In her world, she’s forever the victim, the fighter, the star of the show—and we’re all just along for the latest episode.
