Meghan Markle kicked off her shiny new lifestyle brand, As Ever, on April 2nd, but let’s be real—by “launched,” I mean she tossed some fancy gift boxes at her celebrity pals like a duchess playing Santa. These weren’t just any friends, mind you—they’re the kind who might’ve been contractually obligated to act like they cared. This wasn’t a proper product launch; it was a hyped-up PR stunt dressed up as a posh tea party. According to the As Ever website, everything “sold out” in under an hour. Adorable, right? Except no one seems to have actually snagged anything. Why? Because there was nothing to buy—it was all magically “sold out” the second it went live. How convenient.
Instead of, say, stocking an actual store, making a legit public debut, or—here’s a wild idea—getting FDA approval for her food products, Meghan opted to shower her ultra-rich celebrity crew with surprise goodies. One lucky recipient? Zoe Saldana. Zoe snapped a pic of the wooden crate like a loyal soldier, and it’s worth noting Meghan recently signed with MN2S, the same agency repping Zoe. Coincidence? Nepotism? Strategic favor-trading? You decide. Zoe’s caption was a polite, “Thank you @Meghan for this beautiful and yummy gift,” which is exactly what you say before quietly tossing it behind the Oscars afterparty tent.
This wasn’t some spontaneous burst of celebrity kindness—oh no. This was Meghan doing what she’s always done best: leaning on rich, connected folks to boost her image. Forget humanitarian vibes, forget authenticity—this is about status, plain and simple, and it always has been. The timing? Hilariously off. The site was “sold out” before these A-listers even posted their unboxing pics. Brilliant PR move, Meghan—get everyone buzzing about products they can’t even buy. It’s giving Goop vibes, but with less credibility and a lot more raspberry jam.
Here’s a real head-scratcher: if these products weren’t even approved for sale, did Zoe just publicly thank Meghan for sending her unregulated food? The irony is thicker than that jam. Maybe there’s an Oscar in the works for “Best Actress in Pretending to Love Herbal Tea You’ll Never Drink.” Meghan sent donuts and floral sprinkles to people who already have private chefs and custom pantries—genius. Poor Zoe, though. First, she’s dragged for her controversial Nina Simone role, and now she’s tangled in Meghan’s marketing mess. Maybe next time she’ll pass on being a free billboard for a woman who trademarked “authenticity” while peddling overpriced tea to billionaires.
In the end, Meghan’s As Ever launch wasn’t a business move—it was a social-climbing masterclass. And Zoe Saldana? Just another pawn in the game.
