Apparently, plates are flying, ornaments are in danger, and the screams of rage can probably be heard all the way in Santa Barbara. Why? Because Princess Catherine just landed her very own *Us Weekly* cover, and it's all about her impeccable style. Yes, her style: elegant, royal, and the complete opposite of dumpster-chic.
Now, how many plates are smashing? The answer is: all the plates. Let’s dive into what’s got Meghan Markle feeling up the wall. Catherine’s feature showcases 150 of her best looks—an entire issue dedicated to teaching us how to dress like a royal. Clean lines, wrinkle-free hems, and no visible tags hanging out. Imagine, now, Meghan Markle—queen of creased outfits and Bohemian “I just woke up” vibes. This is, to put it mildly, a direct hit at a carefully crafted aesthetic that’s more “Tamal Hall meets influencer misfire.” Remember that red dress? The one with the strange boob-shell situation? Yeah, that was *a choice*. Or the "inverted nipple" dress? Iconic, but not in the best way. And we can’t forget her parade of strapless disasters, bronzed to the point of overkill, with caked-on makeup. Meanwhile, Catherine is out here in hosiery, setting trends, and proving that class is timeless.
You just know that wherever Meghan is, the Olive Garden that is her world is probably now a certified smash room. After all, Catherine’s pulling off elegance without the desperation. No cleavage, no questionable dress splits, and no standing with legs spread like a flamingo caught in headlights. Just timeless grace. You can practically hear Meghan yelling, “But where’s the strapless bra outline?” while Catherine effortlessly slays in nylons.
Let’s talk about those nylons for a second. Catherine’s secret weapon. Even with fantastic legs, she elevates every outfit with them. Meanwhile, I’m convinced Meghan wouldn’t know a pair of tights if they wrapped themselves around her head. The timing of all this is perfect. Meghan throws together an awkwardly stitched holiday card, hoping to steal the spotlight, only for Catherine to snatch it away with her *Us Weekly* cover. You can almost picture Meghan stomping around, screaming about how unfair it is that Catherine’s being celebrated. But come on, Meghan, you could have had it all. You gave up royalty for... podcasting and vague vibes about seeds of compassion. Choices were made.
Oh, the irony: *Us Weekly* is the same outlet that once ran a puff piece defending Meghan against allegations of being impossible to work with. Remember that cringeworthy "seeds" analogy? The one that sounded like Meghan herself wrote it? How the tables have turned. Now, Catherine is the darling, and Meghan’s left plotting her next move in a mansion.
Let’s be real. Meghan’s fashion choices remain an ongoing mystery. Whether it’s the infamous “titless tomato” dress or outfits that look like they were pulled straight from a crumpled bag in the back of a closet, she seems to embrace chaos as a vibe. Sure, Catherine’s style might seem boring to someone who equates class with cleavage, but it’s working for her. The public loves it. Meghan, not so much.
What really grinds Meghan’s gears, though, is that Catherine just does her thing—gracefully, effortlessly, and without trying to be the center of attention. Meghan, on the other hand, flops around like a fish out of water, desperate for validation and relevance. It’s giving high school mean girl who never quite made it to prom queen, while Catherine still looks amazing.
The *Us Weekly* issue is a testament to why Catherine shines. She’s elegant, relatable, and genuinely admired. Meghan can throw as many plates as she wants, but this battle is already lost. Maybe next time Meghan will iron her clothes or, you know, realize that desperation isn’t a good look on anyone. Until then, we’ll be over here flipping through 150 of Catherine’s best looks and wondering how many ornaments are left unbroken in Montecito.
