Meghan Markle, the self-appointed Duchess of Relevance, apparently thought she could add Angelina Jolie to her ever-shrinking circle of A-list friends. Because why not? After all, what global superstar wouldn’t jump at the chance to share overpriced avocado toast with Meghan at her Montecito fortress?
Except… well, Angelina had other plans—plans that *didn’t* involve being cornered into a conversation about self-care routines and victim narratives over a plate of salt fish and baked plantains.
Just imagine how this played out, because, honestly, picturing it is far more entertaining than Meghan’s entire Netflix docuseries. According to a blind item, Meghan extended an oh-so-exclusive invitation to Angelina. “Oh, Angie, you must come over for brunch! We can sip organic wine, discuss humanitarian efforts, and I can show you my favorite ‘drunk-girl’ recipes!”
Meanwhile, Angelina was probably busy directing films, managing her extensive humanitarian work, raising a small army of children, and maintaining an *actual* career. You know—things that *don’t* involve sitting in Montecito pretending to care about Meghan’s latest media grievances.
But here’s the real kicker: Angelina didn’t just politely decline. According to sources, she *flat-out* dismissed the invitation in the most savage way possible: *“That’s not ever going to happen.”*
Oof. The emphasis on *ever* really seals the deal. Not now, not next year, not in an alternate universe where Meghan is actually likable—just *never*.
And let’s be honest, what exactly would Angelina gain from such a rendezvous? A PR headache? A front-page People magazine headline screaming, *“New BFFs! Meghan & Angelina Take Hollywood by Storm”*? Because you *know* that’s exactly what would happen. Within hours, tabloids would be flooded with stories about how Meghan had finally found a true Hollywood confidant.
As if Angelina would ever willingly sign up for that.
It’s not like Meghan doesn’t have a history of latching onto successful, powerful women… and then things getting, well, *weird*. Remember Serena Williams? Ever since she started spending time with Meghan, she’s been looking—how do we put this nicely?—*exhausted*. Coincidence? We think not. Meghan has this uncanny ability to drain the life force from anyone who dares step too close—a social *succubus*, if you will.
And let’s not forget how this would actually hurt *Angelina*. This is a woman who has spent decades carefully cultivating a reputation that balances talent, activism, and independence. Aligning herself with Meghan would be like willingly stepping into a PR disaster. Imagine the headlines: *“Angelina Joins Meghan in Fight Against the Royals”* or *“Jolie Becomes Duchess’s Latest Victim”*.
Hard pass.
At the end of the day, Angelina Jolie’s rejection wasn’t just a refusal—it was a statement. A declaration that not *all* A-listers are willing to be absorbed into Meghan’s never-ending drama vortex. And honestly? That might be the best decision Angelina’s made since she walked out on Brad Pitt.
